Just a hint boys……


Well I survived the burns supper! Into work for classes, a meeting with some learning reps and then snow came down. Not a wee flurry but beautifully big flakes and it caused mayhem.
Roads were closed as were bridges. My friend who was the president of the club was getting increasingly stressed, the haggis was ready, the piper was ready and half of the top table were stuck in snow about an hour away……the guests were quite happy having a wee apero and the craic was good.
I was delighted to be there with my daddy and my pal from uni who had travelled from Aberdeen to be there.
Daddy was keeping an eye on the weather as he was far from home and despite a room being available for him, he still opted to drive home.
The rest of the speakers arrived in dribs and drabs and all arrived in time to do their bit even if we had started.
I had the reply to the toast to the lasses and it was the final speech of the evening, so in a way the fact that most people had partaken in a wee drink was a good thing!
The speakers were great and two of them are pros, nae pressure then.
Here are some wee extracts from my words of wisdom to the boys and my sparring partner Charlie….

But the bit that grabbed me about Charlie’s CV apart from his lovely photo, was that he is a tie collector. Or as he put it, a cravateologiste. Not a tie collector, a cravateologiste.oh la la. Men and terminology…….I mean it’s a bit like when I have the girls over for a catch up on a Friday and we may have a small apero. We like to call that wine club.
But I am sure that burns , given his penchant for knicker lace round his neck as his cravate would indeed approve Charlie, so please do accept this wee gift ( a tie)

……If Oor rabbie had had a motorbike, my name might have been Burns. Apparently my great great great great granny was quite the looker and I dare say the decline in the birth rate might have been reversed if rabbie was on his Vespa,

…….Anyhoos, rabbie was a good shire lad. He was educated in history, reading, writing, maths, Latin and French – quite the boy. His ability as a linguist is in evidence:
I never had the thought nor inclination of turning poet until I got heartily in love then Rhyme and song became the spontaneous language of my heart”
Well I never planned to be the same size as Marilyn Monroe untill I got heartily into gin and cakes quite frankly.

………But what’s not to like about our silver-tongued shire boy? He had the patter in a few languages, wooed the ladies with that shire charm and quite frankly who wouldn’t want a song or a poem written about them? ( well unless you were a queen fan and it was fat bottomed girls) I mean a song or a poem is far better than I love Jean written on the toilet door of the boozer.

………How burns loved the ladies, but not as in a quick winch up a close. He respected us and held us in the greatest esteem socially and intellectually. He would have an absolute ball nowadays with the amount of leading ladies. He argued for us to be given decorum, protection and admiration ( that’s a gentle reminder lads) in his poem the rites of women he underlined the value of our beauty, intellect, political view and our passions for words and language.

Clearly a man of vision.

I can’t help but think how much he would be proud of his beloved Scotland now, A female first minister and a shire lass no less. Look at the bevvy of beauties leading the way in academia, enterprise , the arts,politics, indeed it is a case of here comes the girls………

……..So really, lasses, burns would have been pure burstin wi pride. The man who described jean armour as a clean limbed bewitching young hussy would of course fit in with the braw men in our midst tonight – no?
I mean lasses, who wouldn’t want to be have a Scotsman for a partner?

The lads:
Their patter …..fit like, furryboots ye fae? A write hen? Come here often doll? There’s been a murder……

The gear:
Stoating about in their smart casual attire of jeans and suit jacket, all yon metro sexual way smelling like they have fallen out the perfume counter at boots,
Male grooming has taken off in such a way that we see more beards than an audition for Santa at hamleys.

Going out:
They will not spare the expense – whisking us away to the islands, Loch Lomond, Airdrie if they are not too sure but if they really like you, it’s Saltcoats every time,

Food and drink:
Chips, or a kebab. And of course connoisseurs of fine bevvy. A good Intake of buckfast wine, super lager ( I’m sure it is super) and the age-old aphrodisiac cally leg opener.

So if rabbie was cutting about nowadays how would he fair?
I would imagine the breeches would be aff and the passion pleats on and he would no doubt have the same wiggle you lot develop as soon as the kilt is on….

There is no doubt he’d be a chick magnet full of charm and probably all over social media. The poems would be more twitter and text but I would hope he would have the sense not to use the check in facility on Facebook or get himself tagged in photos, that might cause a wee bit of bother.

Mammy points – I was sticking up for the girls so maximum points
Methodology points – making it to Saturday school in the snow surely merits decent points
Manolos – red sparkly shoes……clicked three times to get out the snow!


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