So finally managed to strip the walls, pack the stuff and take the name off the door and leave the school. Aye, I’ll be back next week to finish paperwork and the like.
It’s been so so sad and hard as I stripped things off the wall: the name plate that one of my fifth years in my very first teaching job had made for me, the pictures of my daughter, one of the famous laminated cuttings from my S4 pupils etc. and it was horrible to see not only the walls bare but my door bare too. I had lots of wee post cards and quotes on it. The weans were asking if it had been like that when I arrived and it’s hard to imagine but yes it was.
It didn’t feel like my classroom and I didn’t like it. That bare feeling.
My classroom was a wee home at work and for me, if I am not comfortable in my surroundings then I’m not going to be at my best.
A bit like when hell freezes over and I don’t have mascara on. Yes, I wouldn’t even put the bins out without it on.
The bare walls and lack of “me” got me thinking about surroundings and being comfortable in what and how we do things. I have some fabulous friends who are photographers, and all very different in their style. It’s amazing listening to them get excited about cameras ( I am just dying to ask what colour it is) and the best angle for shots and how to edit etc. When the weans ask for selfies or photos, like all of my girls on the dept , the hair gets fluffed and the skinny arm goes out but when any of these wonderful photographer pals ask if they can photograph me I feel like a total eejit. It’s that feeling of being bare. The cheesy selfies will not cut it with these guys, and I almost feel like I am being looked at a wee bit too closely. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that …….
None of us really likes that feeling of being really studied or looked at ( like classroom observations no?)in-depth and contrary to popular belief, I’m happiest in photos with other people.
I don’t know enough about photography to really appreciate the technical aspect of it. I enjoy looking at photos ( every so often the 8 CDs of photos from China come out) but I wish I could appreciate it more.
I would also love to have that confidence to be able to strike a pose properly and not feel like a total lunatic and collapse laughing. And it wouldn’t it be lovely to half jokingly ask your pal to Photoshop you to a size acceptable?
Yet, I don’t feel like that when people come into class. I enjoy having people in and usually more when it’s not planned. I don’t know how many times I have said that I know I would prefer if inspectors and the like would just come in unannounced. You’ll see the real version of what we do, what we cope with and not the Photoshop version. I suppose in a way the photos I love best of me with my pals or the wee lady are the ones when we don’t really know we’ve been snapped. The ones caught unaware, usually laughing ( and knowing my pals it’s been about something outrageous)
I’m comfortable teaching, it’s what I do. I’d love to be comfortable in front of a camera the way my young people are, they have grown up with camera phones and know how to get a great photo and not be self-conscious on them.
Perhaps I’m aiming too high and hoping every photo is Sophia Loren when actually I’m more Isa from still game. Nothing wrong with aiming high…….
So to all you gorgeous photographers pals of mine, get me unawares or at least wait till I shift 3 stones.
Visitors to the class, you are welcome anytime. Come as you are.
Points suspended due to holidays.